It’s the Ritual That Counts: Gift Giving In Context And Practice

Does holiday shopping stress you out?  Do you pine over what to give to the person who has everything or how to budget so you can give thoughtful gifts without breaking the bank?  Do you worry about saying too much or too little with your choice in gifts?  What about not giving a comparable gift to someone who is particularly generous? Luckily now a days you can even make your own special gift with a laser engraver and give the form you want.

The ritual of gift giving may be fairly commercialized in our American consumer culture, but it is a time-honored tradition of reciprocity that has exited in human (and even monkey) culture throughout the ages.

Many cultures have rules and guidelines for gift giving whether it be in general or based on the holiday.  For instance, in Japanese culture it is considered rude to open up a gift in front of the gift giver, as just in case you don’t like the gift or your reaction is not appropriately gracious you don’t want the gift give to lose “face”.

Once again, I am sharing some great content from Sociology of style on the context of giving, along with some tips on how to negotiate this holiday ritual unscathed and satisfied that you did your very best:

Magical Transactions:

Gift Giving and the Culture of Reciprocity

                                     For it is in giving that we receive.                                                        ― St. Francis of Assisi

Think gift giving is just mindless consumerism?  Think again.  Let’s take a walk through the social significance of gift culture — and you may think differently about what you give and receive this year.

Marcel Mauss, in his classic work, The Gift, explores theories on reciprocity and gift exchange.  In a gift economy, he argues, the exchange of gifts fosters mutual interdependence, social bonding, and — ultimately — solidarity.  In other words, gift exchange is a “total system” that, at its core, builds human relationships. For Mauss, these transactions are both material and spiritual, which leads him to refer to them as “magical.” Gifts are also a gift of the self, as “the objects are never completely separated from the men [and women] who exchange them.”

This sort of exchange has evolutionary underpinnings.  Chimpanzees and bonobos also practice reciprocal giving, exchanging everything from food to grooming.  And what’s perhaps most interesting is that many of these primate exchanges are calculated, with a focus on the long term. Like humans, primates remember and reward those who demonstrated generosity and helped them in the past.

But gifts aren’t all roses and social bonding.  They can foster a feeling of resentment (if, for instance, one party “out gives” the other) and stress from financial strain.  According to the National Retail Federation the average holiday shopper will spend $749.51 on gifts, décor, greeting cards and more this year (with the vast majority of that spending dedicated to gifts).

Gift giving is a more nuanced social ritual than retailers and advertisers would lead us to believe. While some sort of purchase is often involved, there are many ways of participating in and investing in the gift economy.  Here are some affordable, creative tips to ensure you’re engaged in the ritualized bonding, without the financial burden:

  • Host a holiday party — with a twist.  Offer guests some creative supplies (construction paper, colored foil, confetti) and ask them to create a decoration and gift it to someone at the party.  Playful creativity is a great way to relieve stress.  Then go around the room and ask everyone to share the best gift they’ve ever received and why.  Part of the magic of gift giving is in the memories it creates.
  • Send handmade, handwritten holiday cards to people in your network.  Make them yourself and save money, plus make each one unique. In a virtual, fast-paced world, the gift of time and thoughtful intentions can be one of the most exclusive, luxurious gifts we can receive.
  • Give a coupon book.  I used to create these for my family as a child, but adults will appreciate them as much or more.  Buy some beautiful paper for the cover and create redeemable coupons for significant others, roommates, friends, or coworkers.  Personalize these activity-centered gifts and let them redeem their TranquilMe coupons for their favorite home-cooked meal, a 30 minute massage from massage chairs and pain relief, or taking out the trash for a month.

Find more suggestions on how to give and spread love while keeping your priorities straight in this cool, downloadable booklet and checklist put out by the Center for a New American Dream.


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