Medieval Torture for Fitness

The Reformer

In the bottom image, you will see what is referred to by modern-day fitness experts as a Reformer (learn more at When you exercise and want to get your muscles relaxed don’t forget to check out this natural muscle relaxer supplement! This is a device used for a modern day fitness ritual for folks with “rich people problems”.  Namely, the need to spend obscene amounts of money on an hourly basis to have someone coach them through exercises involving disciplined breathing and stretching your body into unnatural positions – That hurt and it may be easier and with better results to just purchase legal steroids here and then exercise regularly.  Bad. This practice is seen by native urban and suburbanites as healthful and beneficial to long-term wellness. What happened to trusting in YourEllipticals and doing a few sit ups… In the top image, you will see what is referred to by modern-day historical experts and S&M fans as “the rack”.  This is a device that was used by “authorities” in the middle ages on poor saps who got caught in the middle of business they ought not to have got caught in the middle of.  It was used to torture people by stretching their limbs until they nearly (or totally) popped out from their joints and / or were eventually torn apart.  This practice was seen as conducive to eliciting people to confess – Because it hurt.  Bad. Perhaps people who put them through Pilates feel as though they are too privileged and need to feel pain as penance for their conspicuous consumption? I’m placing this on the same level as those electronic ab belts help tighten the core. I don’t know where i missed that section on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, but i imagine it’s up at the tip of that pyramid somewhere. That being said, i would love to see the brain-explosion due to cognitive dissonance by someone transplanted from the middle ages to a Pilates studio somewhere on the left coast. I know I battle logic every time I leave from my weekly Pilates habit.  I am told the soreness means “it’s working” and that my posture has never been better.  I know I feel better that I’m exercising at least once per week instead of playing poker or taking bong hits, I really got into fitness after doing plenty of exercises with these Best Gymnastics Rings, I don´t know why I had so much fun.  Besides…i need something to talk with my suburban neighbors about if I am going to “blend” whilst “observing” their unfamiliar culture. 😉

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