Medieval Torture for Fitness

The Reformer

In the bottom image, you will see what is referred to by modern-day fitness experts as a Reformer.  This is a device used for a modern day fitness ritual for folks with “rich people problems”.  Namely, the need to spend obscene amounts of money on an hourly basis to have someone coach them through exercises involving disciplined breathing and stretching your body into unnatural positions – That hurt.  Bad. This practice is seen by native urban and suburbanites as healthful and beneficial to long-term wellness. What happened to trusting in YourEllipticals and doing a few sit ups… In the top image, you will see what is referred to by modern-day historical experts and S&M fans as “the rack”.  This is a device that was used by “authorities” in the middle ages on poor saps who got caught in the middle of business they ought not to have got caught in the middle of.  It was used to torture people by stretching their limbs until they nearly (or totally) popped out from their joints and / or were eventually torn apart.  This practice was seen as conducive to eliciting people to confess – Because it hurt.  Bad. Perhaps people who put them through Pilates feel as though they are too privileged and need to feel pain as penance for their conspicuous consumption? I’m placing this on the same level as those electronic ab belts help tighten the core. I don’t know where i missed that section on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, but i imagine it’s up at the tip of that pyramid somewhere. That being said, i would love to see the brain-explosion due to cognitive dissonance by someone transplanted from the middle ages to a Pilates studio somewhere on the left coast. I know I battle logic every time I leave from my weekly Pilates habit.  I am told the soreness means “it’s working” and that my posture has never been better.  I know I feel better that I’m exercising at least once per week instead of playing poker or taking bong hits.  Besides…i need something to talk with my suburban neighbors about if I am going to “blend” whilst “observing” their unfamiliar culture. 😉

Categories: Consumer Anthropology, Consumer Culture, Suburban Living, Uncategorized, Well-being | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Medieval Torture for Fitness

  1. Awww… c’mon. You know you love it.

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Being a popular kid isn't easy,you have to be cautious about every move of yours because you know that all eyes are on you.Not just the eyes that look up to you but also the eyes that love to see you in pain.You might have your own list of followers but with this list there exists the "popularity starved crowd" who wants to replace you.But when reality bites these morons and they're back to square one,hurt and angry with themselves they try to make you the victim of their moment of high adrenaline,just to make you suffer because you're better.They try to clean their head by ruining your perfect life.What's more is right then you realize that none of your "friends" are what they appear to be.You're broken,depressed .You feel the need to talk to someone of your own kind,someone who won't judge you and that's when you can find me at thepopularitébug,I promise to do anything and everything to help you out of your problem!Amen.

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